Out of the Loop

Bexhill-on-Sea - on a summer's day

Whoa! Things have been totally topsy turvy at my end. I've conducted two domestic moves from different parts of the country (within two weeks) and had a spell of depression, which always makes life more challenging.

It's hard to explain but essentially, if there is sunshine, I will see clouds. And no amount of positive thinking will shift it. Sometimes, I just want to smack myself and say, 'snap out of it' but the blues are the blues and whether it's a chemical thang or just feelings running riot, I seem to be in the backseat - cowering - rather than driving forward and taking action.

There was definite grieving for the hound - it seemed to strike in the evening, particularly around bedtime. I would find myself sobbing nightly into my pillow, hoping she hadn't gone. But she has.

Then I would trawl the internet - long into the night, looking for other rescue Chocolate Labradors (now that is just unhealthy, isn't it?) that needed a home. Of course, I am totally NOT in a position right now to give any dog a home. But I kept on searching. For her doppelgänger.

Almost two months on and the crying has stopped. Phew. Now when I see photographs of her, I cannot believe she isn't here but whereas there was zero acceptance of the situation some weeks ago, now it's just a residue of sadness. And much sighing.

I've had 24 enforced bed rest (that makes me sound very old, I know) keeping a chest infection with aching limbs at bay and it's somehow made the depression lift and real life should resume shortly. Hooray.